Time is ticking my little girl! Before I know it – you’ll be here; and in my arms. It’s such a weird feeling; definitely stranger than when I was about to birth your big sister. When I was at this stage with her; I didn’t have a birth plan, I didn’t have worries, I didn’t have stresses. She was growing, wriggling, and I was just hanging out day by day to meet her; just as I am you. With Emelia-Michelle’s pregnancy; I spent so long being scared I was going to loose her that I didn’t have a lot of enjoyment in her pregnancy. It was filled with a lot of fear, and nervousness. But then at the same time – I felt very much in control; and at peace with letting my body just do what it would and what it needed to do. I didn’t have a birth plan, I had hopes. I wanted no epidural etc, I didn’t want caeserian, I just wanted to let my body birth in the calm environment of the birth centre. But I did know that sometimes things go out the window, I just didn’t fully know what to expect, and I didn’t know what child birth was really truly like. I was told every pregnancy is different, and that’s so true. I’m seeing that now. With you – I do have a lot of worry, I have a lot more planned, I have a bucket of ‘different’ nerves. But for some strange reason – I feel so much more at peace and connected. The worries are different; the plans are for different reasons and the nerves are different. Your bed is made, your bags are packed, your clothes are washed, the carseat is ready. Your birth needs to be planned a little more; there are things that need to be done, and things that need to be checked and looked at. It’s very much a different process that’s for sure.
It’s been a crazy few weeks; well – months actually. Life’s been very up and down and frankly – we’ve just been plodding along day to day. Baby is growing well; and doing everything she should be at this stage. But it hasn’t been easy.Continue reading
Baby girl is growing well; wriggling jiggly bouncing around – making herself quite at home and cozy inside me!
I’ve had a few appointments since my last blog; A phone consult with the cleft coordinator, an in clinic consult with a lactation consultant and my regular maternity midwife appointment. The cleft coordinator answered a few of my unanswered questions about her birth, post partum stages and what to expect. The biggest thing; was that the birth doesn’t need to be as scary as what I thought it would be. My baby girl might NOT be rushed down to NICU. We might still get time together, she might not need to be tube fed, she might not have difficulty breathing. All of the initial diagnosis triggers causing anxiety in my brain to go haywire. But to hear her say it might not be that scary was somewhat reassuring.
Then I saw the lactation consultant; who was much the same – she said with a palate involvement; breastfeeding is pretty much impossible to manage exclusively. But certainly don’t rule it out as a comfort. Provided she has a safe swallow and suck; then I can definitely try… She showed me some special ways to hold her to support her cleft; and lessen the milk going up her nose. So that was another positive!
Finally my midwife. I had HOPED to be able to pursuade her to let me try birth at our local birth centre like I hoped too with Emelia-Michelle. But no such luck unfortunately. She said the risk of breathing difficulty is just too high; and we’d better just play it safe. It didn’t help that Fetal Med have also recommended this. Gah. I’ve been so worried about what her first few days will look like; I really hoped I could escape the hospital setting and have the quiet calm private post birth rooms at the birth centre. Somewhere I could bond, and feed, and pump, and hand express, AND shower and pee without having to leave my baby unattended down a corridor. But I guess it is what it is! The good news is after all my begging and pleading; she said if baby is healthy and breathing ok – she will help us leave as fast as we can!
My anxiety is still sky high; I’m still worried as ever – but feeling her wee kicks and rolls and wriggles helps me feel better. Surprisingly still despite everything going on; I do feel more bonded with this pregnancy than I ever did with Emelia-Michelle’s. 26 weeks, she’s now the size of a rabbit according to my app!
The next and current mission is figuring out a name for this sweet wee girl!!
Blogging these days is so hard; I’m always in 2 minds – I want to record what’s going on; and where I’m at – things I’m feeling and general goings on. But every time I sit down to actually blog; I mind blank. The last month of pregnancy has been hard. In several ways.
I found out little baby has a cleft lip, and palate – and a possible hole in her wee heart.Continue reading
Life has been so busy. Time has flown from the starts of pregnancy; up until now. 19 weeks, 2 days. Only about 20 weeks and 5 days left to go until we meet this little baby. Overall pregnancy so far hasn’t been too bad; Other than the intense nausea and vomitting – I haven’t really had too many eventful issues. Few dizzy spells here and there, some ligament pains, the hematoma issues. But touch wood we’re on the home straight!
I had my scan at bang on 19 weeks. Discovered little bambino is another wee girl! Emelia-Michelle is so excited for a sister. And wants to call her either “Annie” or “Popoyo” (3 year olds.. don’t ask!) Scan was so good to see her after so long. She’s measuring a day behind; but all within normal values which is great! My wee Emmy always measured ahead, so will be interesting what this wee girls size does. Suddenly feels real now – being able to call her a she, not just an it!
Placenta is another frontal placenta. I’ve had no kickies so I assumed it was frontal – Like I had last time. And my assumption was right. I was so hoping to have those little kickies – but I’m sure they’ll come. Just not on the front of my tummy!
I’ve bought a few wee things that need topping up – but really I just can’t focus on what I need to get! I keep getting sucked in by the cute tiny clothes; that I really don’t need. I do need to find all the bolts from Emelia’s bassinet; and decide if I want to use that – or buy a moses basket. Or both. Decisions decisions! I’d love to buy a co-sleeper this time round!
First trimester = DONE. And how quick was that. My mind is blown. I definitely feel like I haven’t really ‘enjoyed’ this pregnancy probably as much as Emelia-Michelle’s but also; I haven’t stressed anywhere near as much. Baby is now the size of a kiwifruit! But feels so much bigger, It’ll be interesting to see how I feel towards the end! I keep meaning to book in to see the chiropractor; but my memory is a goldfish and my tiredness takes over. I got to see my sweet little bean again – and now he/she actually resembles a little person! Not long at all now; until I know whether it is a he or a she! Such a weird thought. I’ve told all out family and friends, and workmates now – so slowly; and hopefully it’ll filter through. Still need to do a fb announcement though – for the wider fam. My vomiting has started to ease now; though the nausea and lack of hunger is still very much there. Grateful to not be sick so often though! Little bean is happy, healthy and nice and content hiding out in his/her temporary home!
I told my sweet Emelia-Michelle; and she is SO happy. It makes my heart warm seeing her so excited to become a big sister. She keeps feeling my tummy, trying to feel the baby kick. Of course she hasn’t yet, but one day she will!
Midwife day! This all feels so real now. It is such a surreal feeling.. I am starting to show quite significantly now, I need to tell people soon before they all guess. It’s hard not to buy everything under the sun, I have so much still from Emelia. But the excitement is there!
Symptoms have not been fun. In fact, they’ve been quite the struggle –
We found the heartbeat today on the doppler! We didnt know if we would, but we did – and so exciting hearing its little heart racing away.
Scan day! To check on this little bean and measure how the hematoma is looking. Symptom wise, I’ve felt almost everything this time.. the nausea is so bad! Sore boobs, constipation, fatigue. I’ve got it all!
The good news is, the scan revealed all is going well! Baby is measuring exactly what he/she needs to be, and everyone is happy! The hematoma has grown, but it hasnt shifted nor does it measure dangerously. So they arent worried.
So here we are, 8 weeks and 5 days! Next scan booked for exactly a month out now! Exciting.
5 weeks, 6 days.
After a small bleed – I went in for an extra sneaky wee ultrasound to see where things are at. With Easter looming, better to be safe than sorry. We know these early pregnancy and infertility nerves are real! Too early to see anything overly baby related – but the gest and yolk sac measured perfect at only 1 day behind the dates.
They did notice a blood pool just below the gest sac, a “subchorionic hematoma” – in comparison to the sac, it seems quite big. But at this stage nothing I can do, other than look after myself really.
Technically 5 weeks and 2 days today. Such a weird thought!! I’m actually PREGNANT. Not that I feel it at the moment; it’s the weirdest thing ever. This one feels so different to my previous pregnancies; I feel like I wanna shout from the roof tops that Emelia-Michelle will be a big sister, and I’ll have another baby. Yes it’s weird, coz my numbers were so low on day 9 – and my fertility nurses have been so apprehensive. I’ve been talking with my midwife; and instead of doing another blood test – I’ll just have a 6 week and an 8 week scan. Which suits me fine. Technically I could (date dependant) be seeing this baby next week, I’m looking forward to seeing its little heart beating along.
I really really want to tell my Dad; but he’s going through a really rough stage again with his liver cancer. It’s spread into his spine – and he’s gone through some radiation which has left him feeling really crumby.
I feel sad not telling him; but I also know it’s just not the right time.
Life’s also a bit crazy in my Mum’s life; and I really want to tell her too – but again; finding the right time is hard.
My due date is the 25th November! I was due on the 25th January with Emelia; and both pregnancies transfer date was the 9th. So I’m hoping these are all good signs! I have already had a baby boy dream, and several people have randomly approached me and suggested they see a boy in my life soon. So many spooks! So I feel like this babe may well be a little boy blue!
As for symptoms so far: Lots of uterus cramps, which sort of freak me out – but they come and go. No spotting or bleeding; so hopefully I’m ok! I have a horrendous cough, the same I had with Emelia-Michelle’s pregnancy; so I’m guessing that’s a thing! And then the hangover feeling – where I’m no super nauseous, but wouldn’t say I was “comfortable” either!
Till next time xx