The countdown officially begins now. We’re down to single digits! I told myself that from 30 weeks onwards, I’d start preparing babies things a lot more in depth. From now, and for the next however long she decides to stay in me fore. So now, I need to start washing and drying her tiny clothes. Wash all her linen and make her bed. Pack her hospital/birth centre bag. Tick all the final purchases off the list, and complete all the last minute preparations. My head is sort of going a little crazy at the idea that there really isn’t much left at all to do, much longer to wait.
Apparently this week she’s the size of a large cabbage. It does not feel like that long ago – she was the mere size of an apple seed.
Keeping her name a secret is getting hard – people are asking; people are giving me the hurry up to tell what it is. I keep saying I haven’t decided; but I have. It’s just easier to make out like I don’t know rather than to say I do; and have them pester me!
Baby shower is this weekend too. Not far away at all. I hate being in the spotlight so I hope it’s all rather casual and chill. I kept it small and intimate. So hopefully it’s fine! Just got a few last minute things to sort tomorrow and the day after.
As for how my nerves and everything are settling down, or rearing up in my case. The fear of being a parent is really kicking in. I know becoming a parent is literally the BIGGEST change of a persons life. From now on, there is permanently that biological attachment to a little person – from now; until forever. I have all these thoughts and prayers about what parenthood will be for me. All these dreams and hopes. But the things I pray for the most, are that as my little girl grows and develops she learns love, she learns respect, she learns compassion. I pray that we have a relationship where she is proud to look up and call me her mum. And that she trusts me to make all the best decisions for her, and for her life. As I put my hand on my belly as it wriggles and bumps; it really cements – she is alive; she is ok. She is growing, thriving. My body is giving her the nourishment to grow. It is giving her the nourishment to develop. She is safe from harms way – because of her safety in me. When she’s born; the big wide world is a scary place. And I hope the things she experiences in life are all for the greater good. That she is never alone, that when she is scared – she has people to call on. That when she feels sad, she has people to comfort her. That as she goes through all stages of life – everyone is on her team. In her sideline. It’s a scary thought bringing a little person into this scary life. But I pray with all my heart – that she has the best life possible; regardless of whatever curv balls come her way throughout her life.